Learning the ten key principles to marital success… 😉
Successful couples are savvy. They read books, attend seminars, browse Web articles, and observe other successful couples. However, successful couples will tell you that they also learn by experience – trial and error.
Photo credit: Christian Life Resources
Here are ten principles of success I have learnt from working with and observing hundreds of couples:
- Happiness is not the most important thing. Everyone wants to be happy, but happiness will come and go. Successful couples learn to intentionally do things that will bring happiness back when life pulls it away.
- Couples discover the value in just showing up. When things get tough and couples don’t know what to do, they need to hang in there and be there for their spouse. Time has a way of helping couples work things out by providing opportunities to reduce stress and overcome challenges.
- If you do what you always do, you will get the same result. Wise couples have learnt that you have to approach problems differently to get different results. Often, minor changes in approach, attitude and actions make the biggest difference in marriage.
- Your attitude does matter. Changing behaviour is important, but so is changing attitudes. Bad attitudes often drive bad feelings and actions.
- Change your mind, change your marriage. How couples think and what they believe about their spouse affects how they perceive the other. What they expect and how they treat their spouse matters greatly.
- The grass is greenest where you water it. Successful couples have learnt to resist the “grass is greener” myth – i.e., someone else will make me happy. They have learnt to put their energy into making themselves and their marriage better.
- You can change your marriage by changing yourself. Veteran couples have learnt that trying to change their spouse is like trying to push a rope – almost impossible. Often, the only person we can change in our marriage is ourselves. Love is a verb, not just a feeling. Everyday life wears away the “feel good side of marriage.” Feelings, like happiness, will fluctuate. But, real love is based on a couple’s vow of commitment: “For better or for worse” – when it feels good and when it doesn’t.
- Marriage is often about fighting the battle between your ears. Successful couples have learnt to resist holding grudges, bringing up the past and remembering that they married an imperfect person – and so did their spouse.
- A crisis doesn’t mean the marriage is over. Crises are like storms: loud, scary and dangerous. But to get through a storm you have to keep driving. A crisis can be a new beginning. It’s out of pain that great people and marriages are shaped.
This article was published with permission from Focus on the Family Malaysia.
If you liked this article and would like to go deeper, we have some helpful resources at family.org.my.