Bridge the gap by taking remedial action!
When couples start out together, their marriage is usually their primary focus, but then children, jobs and housework begin to compete for their attention. All these distractions pull them from the helm of their marriage, and they drift away from each other. The drift can be so subtle that by the time the couple realises what’s happening, they are already miles apart. All of us experience some drifting at times. The key is to recognise when this begins to happen and to take action. Here are some ways to close the distance:
When couples start to drift apart, it is time to make amends… / Pix: Retrouvaille Montana
Don’t view drift as inevitable. Couples often think they have to put their marriages on the back burner because of the busyness of their particular season of life. But the truth is, you cannot afford to put your marriage on hold. It is twice as hard to rebuild a neglected relationship than to keep it strong in the first place. Carefully nurture your relationship – in every season of life.
Make time. When you see your marriage suffering, ruthlessly cut back on other commitments to give your marriage the dedication it needs. The obligatory date night is not enough if you are too tired from your hectic schedules to make it a meaningful night.
Overlap your lives. Creatively find ways to be a part of your spouse’s world as much as you can. Accompany your spouse on an errand, read a book together or play badminton. Remember the great lengths you went to in order to be together when you were dating – find ways to do that again.
End negative cycles. If you sense that something, no matter how small, is not quite right in your relationship, don’t wait until it becomes a big problem before you talk about it.
Focus on fixing yourself. It is easy to find faults in your mate and play the “if only” game. But this feeds discontentment, self-righteousness and unforgiveness. Determine to be the best husband or wife you can be, regardless of your spouse’s faults. Many a times you will find that this attitude is contagious, and nothing is better for getting a marriage back on course than two committed spouses working to be the best they can be.
This article was published with permission from Focus on the Family Malaysia. If you liked this article and would like to go deeper, we have some helpful resources at www.family.org.my